SOME UPLIFTING POEMS ON VARIOUS SUBJECTS
Some Uplifting Poems on Fairy Tales and other subjects:
KING
There are no more knights or dragons
One King remains- I'll give you a hint
He's white and round and very loved
No, not Elvis- it's peppermint
FUNNY GUY
GOD & THE DOCTOR
God and the Doctor
we like adore;
But only when in danger,
not before
JOHN OWEN
THE DUTCH
In matters of commerce
The trouble with the Dutch
Is that they give too little
And ask too much.
BENJAMIN DISRAELI
FOOTBALL
Grown-ups in shirts and shorts
running after a ball
Bashing each other's heads in
it's a fun game after all
DE ZWARTE KAT
LOSS
The day he left was terrible;
That evening she went through hell.
His absence wasn't the problem,
But the corkscrew had gone as well.
WENDY COPE
DEAR CHARLES
Most Gracious Prince, we Thee implore,
To go away and sin no more.
Or, if that effort be too great,
To go away at any rate.
ANONYMOUS
LOVE
Make love not war
if you make love war
you risk a heart attack
SWAMI EYOT
THE PEST PIG
The pig, if I am not mistaken,
Supplies us with sausage, ham and bacon.
Let others say his heart is big -
I call it stupid of the pig.
OGDEN NASH
INSTANT SEX
For flavour, instant sex
Will never
Supersede the stuff
You have to peel and cook.
QUENTIN CRISP
A LOT OF GUTS
When I had my operation
I displayed a lot of guts.
I could take, smile and like it,
But the bedpan drove me nuts.
ANONYMOUS
TIME
While I'm doing time at school
At times my timing's great
But time is up- if I'm not quick
It will all be too late.
A LAZY STUDENT
Some Uplifting Poems on Halloween and other subjects:
TO MY TEACHER
Haunting horror, hills of pus
Just about to burst
you think THAT'S awful, guess again,
mathematics is the worst !
A LAZY STUDENT
YUCK
You can pick your friends
and you can pick your nose
but you can not pick your friend's nose
BENJAMIN FRANKLIN
WRITTEN ON A GRAVESTONE
Beneat this slab
John Brown is stowed
He watched the ads
And not the road
OGDEN NASH
AT NIGHT
The night was growing old
As she trudged thru snow and sleet
And her nose was long and cold
And her shoes were full of feet
ANONYMOUS
ANOTHER EPITAPH
Here lies my poor wife,
Without bed or blankit,
But dead as a doornail,
God be thankit.
PROBABLY HER HUSBAND
OLD SOLDIERS
Old soldiers never die,
They just smell that way
NOT SWAMI EYOT
A THIRD EPITAPH
Here lyeth the body of Martha Dias
Always noisy and not very Pious
Who lived to the Age of 3 score and 10
And gave to the Worms What she Refused to Men.
MUST BE SOMEONE WHO KNEW HER
PARENTAL LOVE
They fuck you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you up with faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.
PHILIP LARKIN
So now you can think, as you turn out that light,
that there's no such thing and that you are all right.
Look under your bed, though, and there you might see...
NOTHING ! We aren't afraid of ghosts now, are we ?
ANONYMOUS
Some Uplifting Poems on BlindSight and other subjects:
THERE
It said somewhere
"There's no there there"
This opinion I don't share
'cause there's a there everywhere.
SWAMI EYOT
KIDNAPPED!
This morning I got kidnapped
By three masked men.
They stopped me on the sidewalk,
And offered me some candy.
And when I wouldn't take it
They grabbed me by the collar,
And pinned my arms behind me,
And shoved me in the backseat
Of this big black limousine and
Tied my hands behind my back
With sharp and rusty wire.
Then they put a blindfold on me
So I couldn't see where they took me,
And plugged up my ears with cotton
So I couldn't hear their voices,
And drove for 20 miles or
At least for 20 minutes, and then
Dragged me from the car down to
Some cold and moldy basement,
Where they stuck me in a corner
And went off to get the ransom
Leaving one of them to guard me
With a shotgun pointed at me,
Tied up sitting on a stool . . .
That's why I'm late for school!
SHEL SILVERSTEIN
COMPLICATED MATH PROBLEM
X² = onzin
X = wortelonzin v X = sinusappel
MART VAN ESCH
PAPER
Looking back on all those years
every test, every note, every cigarette
Far too much paper has been wasted
just for one: the certificate.
A LAZY STUDENT
 TWISTABLE, TURNABLE MAN
He's the Twistable Turnable Squeezable Pullable
Stretchable Foldable Man.
He can crawl in your pocket or fit in your locket
Or screw himself into a twenty-volt socket,
Or stretch himself up to the steeple or taller,
Or squeeze himself into a thimble or smaller,
Yes he can, course he can,
He's the Twistable Turnable Squeezable Pullable
Stretchable Shrinkable Man.
With his Squeezable Lovable Kissable Hugable
Pullable Tugable Wife.
And they have two twistable kids
Who bend up the way that they did.
And they turn and they stretch
Just as much as they can
For this Bendable Foldable
Do-what-you're-toldable
Easily moldable
Buy-what-you're-soldable
Whashable Mendable
Highly dependable
Buyable Saleable
Always available
Bouncable Shakable
Almost unbreakable
Twistable Turnable Man.
SHEL SILVERSTEIN
|